Life, as we all know, is a complex balancing act. But for those of us with neurodivergent processing styles—whether that be ADHD, autism, dyslexia, or any other variation—this balancing act can feel more like juggling flaming swords while riding a unicycle. One of the trickiest aspects of this dynamic is managing the “mental load”—the constant stream of invisible responsibilities that keep our households, relationships, and lives running smoothly. But when you’re neurodivergent, that load doesn’t just feel heavy—it feels disorganized, unpredictable, and sometimes overwhelming.
In this blog post, I’ll explore how different processing styles impact the management of household and life responsibilities and how splitting the mental load can be done more equitably and compassionately for everyone involved.
What is the "Mental Load"?
Let’s start by defining the mental load. The mental load refers to the cognitive effort of keeping track of and managing tasks, responsibilities, and plans. It’s the invisible work that isn’t always seen or acknowledged, but it’s a constant undercurrent that drives daily life. This can range from remembering when the next doctor’s appointment is to mentally organizing the grocery list to keeping track of who needs what in a family dynamic.
For neurodivergent individuals, this mental load can be particularly taxing because of the way our brains process information, plan, and handle multitasking. If you struggle with executive functioning (which is common with ADHD, for example), staying organized and keeping track of ongoing tasks can feel like you're constantly running on a hamster wheel with no way to stop it.
How Different Processing Styles Impact the Mental Load
Neurodivergence affects how people organize or handle tasks and perceive and manage responsibilities. Here’s a brief breakdown:
ADHD and the Mental Load: ADHD often involves difficulties with focus, working memory, and time management, leading to forgotten tasks and feeling overwhelmed. External systems like planners, digital reminders, and simplified routines can help manage the mental load.
Autism and the Mental Load: Autistic individuals may struggle with multitasking and unexpected changes, often leading to either hyper-focus on specific tasks or avoidance of others. Structured environments, breaking tasks into smaller steps, and clear communication can help manage responsibilities.
Dyslexia and the Mental Load: Dyslexia impacts processing written information and following complex tasks, which can make managing household duties challenging. Using audio cues, color-coded systems, and physical organization tools can ease the load and reduce reliance on written information.
General Processing Differences: People outside of these categories may still experience unique challenges with task-switching or overwhelming stimuli. Regardless of processing style, effective tools and strategies are necessary to manage the mental load.
Splitting the Mental Load in a Neurodivergent Household
In a neurodivergent household, the mental load doesn’t have to fall on one person. To split it equitably, consider each person’s strengths and challenges. Here’s how:
Open Communication: Share how you experience the mental load and encourage others to do the same. This builds understanding and adjusts expectations.
Use Systems That Work for Everyone: Adopt tools like shared calendars, color-coded lists, or visual cue boards to accommodate different processing styles.
Delegate Based on Strengths: Assign tasks based on individual strengths. For example, someone with ADHD might handle spontaneous tasks, while someone with autism might excel in structured environments.
Encourage Flexibility: Be flexible with deadlines and expectations, especially when energy levels or moods fluctuate.
Normalize Shared Accountability: Ensure everyone contributes to tasks like meal planning and household management, rather than one person taking it all on.
Recognize and Validate Efforts: Acknowledge each person’s contributions to reduce stress and foster a positive environment.
Conclusion: The Power of Understanding & Adaptation
Splitting the mental load in a neurodivergent context isn’t about forcing conformity to one system or process. It’s about understanding the different ways people think, process, and interact with the world and adapting tasks to fit those needs. By embracing our unique strengths and challenges, we can make life’s responsibilities feel more manageable—together.
By practicing open communication, using adaptive systems, and delegating based on personal strengths, we can ensure that the mental load is not just a burden but a shared effort that recognizes each person’s contributions and needs.
So, take a moment to reflect—how can you rethink the mental load in your household or relationship? How can you adjust the way responsibilities are shared to create a more balanced and compassionate environment for everyone involved? Let’s start the conversation and work toward a more mindful, equitable way of managing life’s complexities.
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And Remember
"I want to make a difference in people’s lives!
I work to ensure everyone has an
equal opportunity to succeed."
-- Gretchen Pound, PhD