The Role of Special Interests in Neurodivergent Relationships: Bonding or Barrier
- Gretchen Pound, PhD
- Mar 13
- 3 min read
In any relationship, special interests—the deep passions or hobbies that someone dedicates a significant amount of time and energy to—can be a bridge that brings people closer or a wedge that creates distance. This dynamic can be even more pronounced in neurodivergent relationships, where individuals may experience and express special interests uniquely.
For many neurodivergent individuals, such as those with autism, ADHD, or other neurodivergent traits, special interests can be particularly intense and central to their lives. Understanding the role of these interests in relationships is key to fostering healthy connections. Let’s explore how special interests can be both a bonding experience and a potential barrier within neurodivergent relationships.
The Positive Side: Special Interests as a Source of Bonding in Neurodivergent Relationships
For neurodivergent individuals, special interests are often integral to their sense of self and how they connect with others. When embraced in relationships, these interests can deepen bonds and foster understanding:
Providing Common Ground for Connection A shared special interest creates a natural foundation for connection, offering a common topic to engage in and discuss. This shared focus helps build mutual understanding and camaraderie.
Offering Emotional Expression and Understanding Special interests allow for emotional expression, as they are often tied to personal identity. Sharing them can create emotional depth and build empathy when a partner listens and engages.
Creating Space for Personal Growth Special interests offer a sense of mastery and accomplishment. Supporting each other’s growth in these areas strengthens the relationship, allowing both partners to feel valued for their unique skills and passions.
The Potential Downside: Special Interests as a Barrier in Neurodivergent Relationships
While special interests can connect neurodivergent partners, they can also pose challenges, especially when there’s a lack of balance or understanding. Here are some common issues:
Overwhelming Focus on One Interest When special interests become all-consuming, they can lead to neglecting emotional connection and relationship needs, causing frustration and isolation for the partner who feels overlooked.
Sensory Overload and Difficulty with Shared Interests Sensory sensitivities may make it hard for one partner to engage in certain activities, such as video games. If the special interest overwhelms the other person’s needs, it can create a barrier.
Difficulty with Empathy or Engagement Neurodivergent individuals may struggle to connect with their partner's emotional needs or special interests, leading to feelings of disconnection if the interests aren’t mutually understood or respected.
Hyperfocus vs. Relationship Needs For those with ADHD or similar traits, hyperfocus on special interests can leave little room for the relationship, causing neglect of important events and creating tension.
Navigating Special Interests in Neurodivergent Relationships
To ensure special interests strengthen, not hinder, neurodivergent relationships, communication, understanding, and compromise are key. Here are some tips:
Open and Honest Communication: Discuss the significance of each partner’s special interests and how they impact the relationship. This helps balance personal passions and relationship needs.
Set Boundaries and Respect Individual Needs: Establish boundaries for personal space and emotional attention, ensuring both partners feel valued and respected.
Support and Encourage Each Other’s Passions: Even if interests differ, showing support and encouraging each other’s passions strengthens mutual respect and connection.
Be Mindful of Sensory Needs: Respect sensory sensitivities and find ways to engage in activities that consider both partners’ comfort.
Conclusion
In neurodivergent relationships, special interests can either bring partners closer together or create a divide. When approached with respect, understanding, and communication, these interests can be a source of bonding and personal growth. However, without care and attention to each other’s needs, they can become a barrier that limits connection.
By fostering open dialogue, setting boundaries, and supporting each other’s unique passions, neurodivergent partners can create a relationship where both individuality and connection thrive.
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And Remember
"I want to make a difference in people’s lives!
I work to ensure everyone has an
equal opportunity to succeed."
-- Gretchen Pound, PhD